How mistresses and their men keep the economy alive

There is a familiar image throughout history: a successful, wealthy man, seemingly with everything one could desire. And there’s a woman by his side who is not his wife. He does not hide, nor does he appear anxious. If anything has changed in him since this relationship began, it is perhaps the way he stands: a little taller, a little more confident, as if the world has finally returned something he had lost.

This is not a new story. From ancient empires to modern corporations, from Julius Caesar to Wall Street bankers, men who have everything still seem to be searching for more. And the women beside them play a role as old as time yet perpetually relevant: they are the refreshment, the oasis, the symbol of a man’s enduring power.

Seeking validation in the shadows

Many assume that men cheat out of lust. However, a study by Dr. M.G. Neuman (2008) found that 88% of men who cheat do not do so due to sexual dissatisfaction but because they feel unappreciated in their marriage. This is a compelling statistic, as it challenges the old narrative that men are merely chasing new physical experiences. What they seek is not a new body but an old feeling; the sense of being admired, desired, and more than just part of a family routine.

Consider this: a man who has spent his life building his career, his wealth, his reputation reaches a point where none of it feels like enough. His home life is stable, but within that stability lies emotional uncertainty. He no longer feels seen by his wife as he once did. Marriage has become more administrative, more structured, more predictable. He remains the head of the household, but no longer the man who makes someone’s heart race with his presence.

He remains the head of the household, but no longer the man who makes someone’s heart race with his presence.

Then she arrives: a woman of poise, seasoned by experience, with charm that isn’t naive but deliberate, a knowing smile that has seen the world and learned how to play it.

She sees him not as the father of her children, not as a household provider, but as a man who still has charm. This relationship is not just about physical intimacy. It is about a man who once again feels important.

In Jungian psychology, the concept of anima explains how men often project their unintegrated feminine aspects onto external women. In this sense, the mistress is not just another woman. She is the idealized version of something the man believes he has lost within himself.

The man who feeds the fantasy

This isn’t just about validation, it’s rather a search for control. In his marriage, he is a responsible figure. His wife knows his flaws. She has seen him exhausted, vulnerable, and maybe even mediocre.

But the mistress? She gets the best version of him. He curates what she sees, and in turn, she reflects back an image of him that he desperately wants to believe: a man who is still virile, still powerful, still irresistible.

The mistress does not engage in the dull logistics of domesticity. She has no patience for grocery lists or gynecologist appointments. She is not there to nag, she is there to intrigue. She does not ask about mortgage payments or shareholder meetings. She does not remind him to fix the leaking sink.

Instead, she exists in a world of curated perfection, a fantasy where he is not a husband or a father, but simply a man. And that, perhaps, is the most intoxicating part of it all.

But make no mistake. This illusion is not self-sustaining. It requires effort, funding, and careful management. To keep the fantasy alive, he must provide. The cars, the vacations, the designer wardrobe, these are not just gifts. They are investments in maintaining the illusion. The moment he stops providing, reality creeps in. And for a man so dependent on this constructed identity, that reality is terrifying.

Of course, this brings us to the real question: does the man actually hold the power here, or is he just another cog in a very expensive, very well-oiled machine designed to sustain her lifestyle while he pretends he’s the one in control?

Why does luxury define the mistress?

Ah, the mistress and her affinity for designer bags, business classes, and five-star dinners, it’s almost poetic. Some say it’s excess, others say it’s desperation. The truth? It’s strategy.

Luxury is not just an accessory to the mistress. It is her armor, her survival strategy, and her statement to the world. It is the loud answer to the unspoken question: Who is she, if not the wife? And more importantly: Why should we care?

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology by Durante, Griskevicius, Cantú, & Simpson (2014) found that women in unstable romantic situations tend to show a heightened interest in status symbols. The reason? In a world that judges women based on what they can display, luxury becomes proof of existence.

A wife gains social legitimacy through marriage. Her name is on the marriage certificate, on inheritance documents, in framed family photographs. A mistress has none of these rights. She lives in a social limbo. She’s present but unacknowledged, seen but not truly recognized. Therefore, she must make herself visible.

And luxury is more than just a way to be seen, it is a currency of power. A woman draped in Dior, sipping champagne on a yacht, or even selfie inside a flying helicopter, isn’t just indulging, she is broadcasting. She is saying: I am not just a temporary pleasure. I am an investment.

Let’s be clear: a mistress without visibility is a mistress who can be erased. A secret is only valuable as long as it carries intrigue. The moment she becomes too quiet, too unnoticeable, she becomes replaceable. So she flashes her designer handbags, posts her luxury vacations, subtly flexes her lifestyle because a mistress who is seen is a mistress who is harder to discard.

And yet, therein lies the paradox. While the wife’s power lies in legacy and quiet security, the mistress thrives on presence. Her elegance is curated, her relevance is never assumed but asserted. One whispers, I am secure. The other shouts, I am here.

The irony? True power is often silent. But silence is a privilege the mistress cannot afford. She must exist in the loudest way possible because, deep down, she knows her presence is conditional.

Mistresses, men, and the irony of small businesses: Why their money only flows one way

One would think that with all their wealth and financial freedom, these men and their mistresses would have a positive impact on their own countries’ economies. Surely, they could invest in local businesses, fund promising entrepreneurs, or at the very least, spend their money where they live. But no, why invest in small and medium enterprises when they can single-handedly keep the European luxury industry alive?

Why buy local when you can buy louis?

The streets of Paris, Milan, and London are bustling with luxury shoppers, but if you look closer, you’ll notice a particular type of buyer: the well-dressed man, accompanied by a woman who carries herself with the quiet assurance of someone accustomed to being adorned in fine things.

She inspects a €20,000 bag with the detached scrutiny of someone deciding between two different shades of power. He watches her, proud, pleased, because he thinks she deserves it, doesn’t she? And if she doesn’t, at the very least, it ensures she stays.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, in a small batik workshop in Solo, an elderly artisan traces intricate floral patterns on fabric, his hands moving with the grace of decades of craftsmanship. The workshop struggles to stay afloat, drowning in the competition of mass-produced, imported goods.

The difference between survival and closure for this workshop might just be the price of that handbag. But the artisan doesn’t stand beneath the shimmering chandeliers of a luxury boutique, nor does he provide a status symbol that can be paraded on the arms of mistresses who must be seen.

So the money flows elsewhere, away from the hands that create and into the empire of those who market exclusivity as necessity.

Indonesia’s UMKM (Usaha Mikro, Kecil, dan Menengah) sector, the backbone of its economy, accounts for 99.9% of business entities and employs 97% of the national workforce. These enterprises generate over 61% of Indonesia’s GDP, but despite their undeniable contribution, they are often overlooked when it comes to major private investments.

The fashion houses of Paris, on the other hand, report record-breaking revenues, thanks in no small part to the quiet yet unwavering devotion of men proving their affections through material excess.

If even a fraction of the billions spent on handbags and diamond bracelets were funneled into Indonesia’s UMKM sector, the effects would be revolutionary. Imagine: a woman in Bandung, her small business crafting handwoven textiles, could expand beyond the confines of her village. A startup founder in Yogyakarta, struggling to secure funding for his sustainable fashion line, could finally enter the market. A coffee farmer in Toraja, whose beans rival the world’s best, could see his brand stocked in high-end cafes instead of remaining an undiscovered gem. But alas, these names do not carry the weight of Chanel or Cartier.

It is, after all, far more glamorous to spend a weekend in Paris, selecting the perfect Dior bag to signify devotion than to invest in a thriving, locally grown business that carries no such prestige.

The great irony

Men love to talk about “legacy.” About building something that will outlast them, leaving behind empires their names can be stamped upon. Yet, when the opportunity to shape their own country’s economic future presents itself, they hesitate. Or rather, they look away, distracted by the gleam of a Rolex they’ve just fastened onto a wrist that will, at some point, belong to another man.

The reality is that status symbols are not about impact. They are about immediate gratification. A Chanel bag delivers instant recognition. A local business investment? That takes time, patience, and the willingness to believe in something bigger than one’s own vanity. And that, for many, is a commitment they’re simply unwilling to make.

So the money flows, year after year, into the polished floors of European boutiques. Meanwhile, the tailors, artisans, and entrepreneurs back home watch their potential funding walk away, clad in Louboutin heels and carrying a bag that cost more than their annual revenue.

And yet, one must ask: what is truly priceless? A legacy of fleeting affections wrapped in leather, or the foundation of an economy that could change lives?

Who really holds the power?

At first glance, it appears that the man is the giver and the mistress is the receiver. But in many cases, reality is far more nuanced.

When a man enters such a relationship, he feels in control. However, the longer it lasts, the more likely he is to become dependent on it to sustain his sense of self-worth. He may still go home to his wife, but he does not want to lose the self he has found in this relationship. Meanwhile, a smart mistress understands that her future depends on how she navigates her role.

So, who truly holds the power? The man who funds? Or the woman who understands that luxury is not just pleasure but an investment in her survival?

At Altering Drafts, we do not judge. We observe. Because understanding a pattern is the first step to rewriting the narrative.

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